Introduction#
I slowly understand why I am not happy, because I always expect a result. Reading a book, expecting it to make me profound; eating and swimming, expecting to lose weight; sending a text message, expecting a reply; treating others well, expecting to be treated well in return; writing a story, expressing a mood, expecting attention and comfort; participating in an activity, expecting a fulfilling and enriching experience. If these preset expectations are met, I can breathe a sigh of relief. If they are not met, I blame myself. But when I was a child, I was the same person, spending an afternoon watching ants move...
"Allowing Yourself to Waste Time"
I often wonder what the meaning of my work is. Although I earn enough salary to live in Chengdu, gradually, various physical and mental problems have hit my life hard. There have been some changes in the department recently, which have caused me to bear more pressure than before, but my salary has not changed.
Due to work schedules, even though I live with my girlfriend, these past two weeks have felt like a long-distance relationship. Sometimes I am too tired to get up in the morning, and she has already gone to work. In the afternoon, I go to work while she comes back from work. Sometimes when I come home at night, she is already asleep. This situation has been going on for two weeks, and we haven't had a proper conversation about recent events.
The thought of resigning has crossed my mind more than once, but thinking about not having another job lined up and still having a mortgage to pay, I will continue to endure these problems. Fortunately, my girlfriend has given me great emotional support, making me understand that this issue is not just about me since we got together and decided to get married. It requires both of us to face it together.
The Alley#
Childhood memories are always so beautiful, and the alley is the time of my childhood. The architecture in my hometown is orderly, with straight streets and alleys. The width of the alley is about the width of three people standing side by side, but we, as children, could play tirelessly in the alley for an entire afternoon.
There are also some hidden delicacies in the alley that outsiders may not know about. These small shops may not be eye-catching, but they are the secret shared among neighbors. Kuanzhai Alley in Chengdu is a well-known tourist attraction that has been well-developed, but I don't recommend going there because it has become overly commercialized, resulting in similar places in every city. However, I do recommend exploring some other alleys nearby. There are many delicious foods and long queues, but there is a small shop with few people at noon that I want to record here.
This small shop opens randomly. If you happen to pass by at noon, you will smell a tempting aroma, which is the fried rice from the shop. It is the most delicious fried rice I have ever had in Chengdu. The freshly cooked rice has a fragrant aroma, and each grain of rice is distinct, giving you a satisfying chewing experience. The slightly salty egg flavor and the subtle taste of Sichuan peppercorns follow. Fried rice is a dish that requires more oil, and the higher the heat, the more fragrant it becomes. Only with the "wok aroma" can it truly feel like a worldly delight. If you feel greasy, the shop also has its own pickled radish, which pairs well with the fried rice and helps refresh your palate.
After lunch, you can find a café and order a cup of coffee, enjoying the warm spring sunshine in Chengdu, watching the crowd come and go in front of the door, feeling detached from the mundane world. This feeling is great, as if time has stood still. I used to not understand why the elderly liked to sit under a tree and watch the passers-by, but now I seem to understand the charm of wasting time. I can do nothing, just sit here, watch the wind blow through the branches, watch the nearby residents walking their pet dogs. Suddenly, I feel like I have aged, but after these moments pass, I will have to face the trivialities of life and the pressures of work again. If I can be happy, then I will be happy. If I can waste time, then I will waste time. Life is chasing after you, and you have to give it a slap.
Small Talk#
I used to not understand why my mother would cry while watching TV dramas, but I don't know when it started, I have also become someone who is easily influenced by others' emotions. Now I realize that as I grow older, my heart is gradually becoming softer, resonating with suffering and resisting authority. Perhaps my own energy has weakened, unable to resist the invasion of external energy, or perhaps it is because I have gained more experiences, allowing me to sympathize with those who have had similar experiences.
Learning#
Since I started playing xLog, it has opened a new door for me. Here, I can find various fresh things and learn many things I have never encountered before. I have started to delve into blockchain and suddenly have the urge to switch to blockchain development. However, my current abilities are still lacking, and I am still in the beginner stage. I don't meet the industry's requirements for blockchain developers yet, so I need to accumulate more experience.